


you were good to me

by isleofdreams



Series: to someone i used to (still) love [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Letters, M/M, Post-Break Up, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isleofdreams/pseuds/isleofdreams
Summary: dear dream,i don't know why i've written this letter. it's not like i'm going to send this to you, anyway.but i guess it's a way for me to let goi guess.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: to someone i used to (still) love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005474
Comments: 25
Kudos: 149





	you were good to me

**Author's Note:**

> mandatory: this is only their persona. it's not them irl, please don't harrass them about their personal relationships, etc. it's their private life. and no this is not a representation of them, either. if one of them expresses discomfort with being shipped, this will be taken down
> 
> i just wanted to write something, and since i have no motivation to finish my other WIPs, i figured i'd write angst. this is me trying to be poetic
> 
> enjoy, you sick fucks
> 
> yes, lower case is intentional
> 
> cool discord server: https://discord.gg/narEjc8v
> 
> my twitter that i'm really inactive on: ISLE0FDREAM

dear dream, 

i don’t know how to start. it’s ironic, because it has been weeks ever since the break up, yet i still feel this pang of devastation and sadness at every thought of you, at every mention of your name. with every beat of my heart and every breath that i take, i’m always reminded of you, and i wonder what i need to do for you to be out of my head.

if you have the solution for this, please do tell me, because i’m sick and tired of having you occupy my mind, as if you were still with me. i’m sick and tired of hearing the ghost of your laughters echo in my head, sick and tired of seeing the glimmer in your eyes, sick and tired of feeling the ghost of your fingers brush against my arm.

but you know what’s the funny part, dream? you want to know what’s the dumbest, most idiotic thing about all this?

that i long for it. i’m sick and tired of it, yet i still beg for more, still crave for your arms around me, holding me protectively as if you can ward off every bad thing in my life. i still crave for the gentle sigh that escapes whenever you lay your head on my lap; i still crave for the warmth of your lips against mine.

you’re a drug that i can’t resist; quicksand that pulls me in whenever i struggle too much against your grip. you’re intoxicating and addicting, and you make me crave for more even when there’s nothing there, even when all that remains is a broken mess of a human and an empty shell that once bears life.

god, dream, what have you done? you drive me crazy, darling, with your smile and your freckles that splatter across your cheeks like stars in the night sky, and you looked like you had the entire universe with you, so fucking pretty and gorgeous.

and yet, i’ve lost you.

what did i do wrong, darling? what did i do so horribly wrong that drove you away from me? what did i do so horribly wrong that made you decide to break up with me?

perhaps, now that i think about it, it’s not a one time thing, is it? maybe it’s the accumulation of events, a myriad of actions that has led us to spiral, that has caused our relationship. maybe it’s everything and nothing in between that has outweighed our love for each other.

this might sound naive, but i used to think that we were invincible, y’know? the perfect duo that everyone dreams to be, the perfect couple that makes everyone wish to have our relationship. 

well, turns out i was wrong. we didn’t need a third person to destroy our relationship, we didn’t need anything to destroy our relationship, because both of us are enough to ruin it.

fuck, dream. i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry for not telling you ‘i love you’ enough, i’m so sorry for not making you enough breakfast in bed, i’m so sorry for not cuddling you enough. i’m so sorry for not appreciating you calling me an ‘idiot’ with a smile on your face, i’m so sorry for not hugging you tightly enough.

i’m so sorry, dream.

it’s funny how we regret everything after it’s gone, isn’t it? fucking ironic, i tell you. you can have the best thing in life yet not enjoy it, but when it’s gone, you somehow want it back again.

do you regret us? 

do you regret us being together, dream? do you regret confessing to me? perhaps you thought that i was your idea of forever, only for me to disappoint you terribly. do you regret flying out to the UK just to meet me because my dumbass didn’t want to fly out? do you regret sacrificing so much for me, only for it to all go down the drain? 

because truthfully, i hope you don't. i hope you don't regret the times you bought me flowers even when i really don’t want them. i hope you don’t regret the times i managed to stutter out an ‘i love you’ through Discord even though it took me about an hour to summon the courage to do so. i hope you don’t regret the times when we had planned to travel the world together and argued about whether we should visit france or turkey first. 

i hope you don’t regret the times that we were together, because i don’t at all.

i miss the times when we stayed up until 3am, our sleep schedules fucked up as we played minecraft and yelled at each other. i miss the times when we snuggled in blankets and despite your protests, i still put on a horror film because it gives me a reason to cuddle you afterwards. i miss the times when you had quietly slipped your fingers in between mine whenever i’m coding or doing nothing in particular.

i miss the times when you were around, dream. i miss you.

what happened? we were so perfect, so happy. what happened to those times? 

did it fade away as times went by? i don’t know, because frankly, i’m still in love with you. this might sound messed up, because even after weeks of you initiating the break up, i’m still clinging onto those feelings. it’s especially messed up when my heart still flutters a little too irregularly as soon as i hear your voice, and my stomach still fills with butterflies as soon as i hear that stupid, wheezy laugh.

fuck, dream. i may or may not have fallen for you a little too far. 

remember when we were baking something? i think it was oatmeal cookies, because no ordinary people like oatmeal cookies over chocolate chips, and you’re one of them (still baffles me, by the way). when you held me a little too close by my waist (i can still feel your fingers pressing against my side), and you whispered that we’d grow old together, and bake cookies together for each other. 

we made a promise together, didn’t we?

pinky promises, dream. and you broke it.

i don’t know why i still hooked my finger around yours, because even when we were friends, i knew you were never good with promises. somehow, you’d always find ways to break them, yet still make it up with apologies and gifts. i don’t know why i still made that promise with you when i knew you were going to break it.

i’m so stupid, aren’t i? you’re probably laughing at me right now, back in florida. i can still hear that stupid fucking wheeze.

i hate it. i hate you, dream.

~~i actually don’t~~

but you know what, dream? it’s alright. because even though you’ve broken my heart, shattered it into a million pieces and scattered it across the ocean, i’d still let you do it over and over again. even though i knew we’d end up apart, not talking to each other for weeks, i’d still let you into my life. i’d still be your boyfriend, still be your best friend.

there are some things that i won’t admit because i’m too ashamed of it, but you won’t be one of them. in fact, you know what? if given the opportunity, i’d still shout your name from the rooftop, from the highest mountains and into the skyline, because you deserve it and i love you too much to not do that. 

it’s fucking cheesy, i know. you’d probably laugh and push my shoulder away, but i’d come back to you and wrap my arms around you, and you’d let me stay.

you’d let me stay.

will you still let me stay?

i don’t think i want to know the answer to that, actually. if you ever have one, please keep it to yourself, because i don’t think i want to hear it. 

i’m a coward, dream. i’m sure you already know that.

somehow, you still saw the light in my darkness. 

remember that one time we went stargazing, and you asked what’d happen if we were to break up one day? i told you we weren’t going to, and if we were to, i’d still be here, waiting for you to come back?

i’m still here, dream. i’m still waiting for you to come back.

fuck, i think you’re the first person i’ve truly loved.

you laughed, and pulled me closer. kissed me on my forehead. told me that you loved me. i asked you what you’d do.

you just shrugged.

i never really got an answer, did i?

it’s alright. i forgive you, dream.

you know what’s the funny part? i’m writing this… letter thing, i guess, yet i’m not going to mail it to you. i don’t know why i always start things i never finish, and you always tease me for it.

are you going to tease me for this too? because if you are, i’m waiting.

never mind. 

just… i don’t regret us.

thank you, dream, for giving me the best eight months of my life. thank you.

you were good to me, and i hope i was good to you, too.

~~i fuck i love you fuck~~

sincerely,  
george


End file.
